Lamentations 3:21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Love you, girl.
God is good all the time! Even in the very hard things He lets us see a bit of good to help us get through. Hugs and prayers and thanks for the honesty!
Ah, Ali. Wanting you to be assured of our love and prayers. Ears to listen, hearts to pray. I hope writing here helps. In every moment and breath God is with us; in the wake of every tragedy and in the leap of every joyous miracle, God is here. And the grace of that will carry us through. I am so sorry this is happening.
Ali - what we "want" is to take all the pain away and just hold you. What we can do is pray and pray and pray for You, Phil, Zoe & Ethan! The manna example was exactly what came to mind when I read your other blogs - just enough for what you need right now. One step at a time. We weep with you and smile at your tiniest joys - God is giving you such insight - His loving arms encircling you. Do not lose heart and do not fear being "real" with your Friends who love you and care about you. We want nothing less. Sometimes we just want to carry you to the throne of grace. God is not surprised by your feelings, joys, tears, anger, questions - none of it. He is still Jehovah Rapha - God who heals. All our LOVE
Ali,
I know your mom and sister and love them very much. Although I don't know you yet, I know you are as wonderful as they are. A friend of mine also facing uncertainty about the life growing inside of her told me that when her fear was the greatest and her ability to celebrate the life inside her was the lowest she was told by a friend that the life inside of her is a gift from God no matter how long or short it may be and that she should celebrate each day. The reality is that none of us know how long the children God gives us will be with us and the pain you are going through is like no other pain. I really admire your honesty and your ability to celebrate each day with Ethan. I will continue to pray for you and trust that God has a plan and a purpose for this experience that only He knows and understands. Much love to you! Ari
Your news was sent to me by a friend...(Sandy Wasson) - I will be praying for your and your family and every need you have. Psalms 139 assures us God has all our days planned while we are still in our mother's womb! He knows what you and your little baby boy need. We are asking Him to give you reassurance and peace while the storm is raging!
Nanita shared your blog. I wanted to share something with you, something it becomes so easy to forget when we are nurses because we can forget to remember we are mothers first. We had one child they though was trisomy 13 or Cystic Fibrosis prior to her birth. They were unable to determine which, and I was unwilling to do invasive testing, choosing instead to wait for birth to see. We learned much later that God used her pregnancy only to prepare us for the child with Cystic Fibrosis we would voluntarily parent and walk to death as a family, it was not her but another that I would walk this road with. Yet, I learned a hugely important lesson in her pregnancy that served me all the days of his life later. Focus on loving Ethan today. Today Ethan is here. Today he is alive. Buy him baby clothes, hold onto the life he may yet have. The day of mourning may yet come. But, do not borrow from those days simply because you can see them on the horizon of his life. Today is your day to love him, to hold him, to focus on his life. Buy clothes, buy baby toys, and focus on his life and not his possible death. If that season of grieving comes, it will come whether you want it or not, nor can you stop it. What you can do is miss this season in that confusion. You are given today. We all are really, but we don't really understand that until we face something like what you are facing now. Focus on today, and on the beauty of being Ethan's mother today. The day for having to focus on saying good-bye to Ethan is not today. Today, you are his mother and his life is precious.